Dear Diary,

So it's 2012 and a lot is going on in my life.

For starters: I am working at the OPH downtown, and have been there since march of last year. I have an interview with the grove hotel and wells fargo to work part time. I also am in some trouble with legal issues. I got caught driving without insurance and have to serve a 5 day sentence in jail pretty soon and pay $200 to do that. I am living at my cousins.

There is a lot that I have to be grateful right now...but there is also a lot of craziness in my life that I don't appreciate so much.

Here's what I'm hoping will happen: I will start making enough money to pay off my car early and move out with Sarah and Katie. I will get everything taken care of with my no insurance issues. I will feel happy and satisfied with my life.

Jason is still in my life...but not a very big part of it anymore. In the small amount of time that we do spend with each other we end up fighting about money or just about the way he treats me. like this morning for example: Last night he texted me wanting to get together and cuddle because he missed me so much. I told him that I would like him to spend the night with me...but on the condition that he doesn't give me any grief in the morning if I can't sneak him out (i'm really not allowed to do this). He agrees, and says that he will leave early in the morning. He asked me to set my alarm for 5 am...so i did. at 5 am the alarm went off...but then he asked me to wake him up at 5:30. I told him ok...but I honestly would have agreed to anything seeing as how sleepy/delirious I was at the time. So I go back to sleep...and then we both don't wake up until 6:30. he gets kind of upset that we slept in...but then we both fall back asleep. I had to be at court at 8:30, so I woke up around 8 to start getting ready. He gets really mad at me for not waking him up and I get on the defensive about it. I'm not his mother--and he shouldn't expect me to wake him up in the morning. it's ridiculous. then--he threatens to just walk out the front door even if my cousins see him knowing that i would get into a lot of trouble. I get really upset and almost start to cry...but he still is angry. luckily, my cousins weren't home so we were both able to leave. but holy hell! who the fuck does he think he is?!
He almost didn't even pay me part of the $$$ he owes me because I wouldn't apologize for not waking him up. UGH. It's bad enough that I gotta sneak him around and have court--but then he's gotta pull a mr. hyde on me too?!
and then he texts me later in the evening asking me if I wanna get together. why the fuck would i wanna get together when you make me so angry?1!?!?!?

Anyway...it's fine...whatever. I just gotta take each day one day at a time. It feels like the backpack I'm carrying is filled with 100 ton boulders...but I gotta break each one of them up and carry each little piece at a time. I need to stop allowing myself to feel overwhelmed. I need to get my court stuff taken care of, sell some stuff, pay off my debts and free myself from all this bondage. I need to let jason go because he just isn't good/right for me.

And I love working with sarah--I really do. but there are times when I just don't want to. Sometimes she just doesn't focus--and makes mistakes. I'm not saying that it's her fault...but it does suck to have to correct all of them.

man...at this point...I just wanna get drunk and watch some cartoons. I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF EVERYTHING.